I used to be much more creative than I have been this past year. I feel like, to a certain extent, I’ve lost my way. I need to fix that if I am going to survive. Since this new year, I have resolved to do better. To take more time for me. To start doing the things I love to do again. I will still (of course) try to take care of family matters, mom, the house, etc…. but for so long now I’ve just been staggering through life. Doing what has to be done. I believe my mom is trying to kill me… but it’s more than that. Through taking care of her, I have been killing myself. I have squashed myself down to nothingness. I think, in part, it was an effort to try to win her love. To “tone myself down” into something she would find palatable. But that 1. isn’t possible… and 2. isn’t viable.
A couple weeks ago, my hubby took me to a hotel overnight in a nearby town. It was to be a break away… the first in almost 2yrs. It was wonderful. Sometimes it’s not so much the destination… as the traveling there… the experience… the change of view.