As you all know, I have had troubles with anxiety my whole life. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 1989, and had counseling off/ on for years. It's not an easy thing.... and lots of folks have a real stigma about mental health issues (even in my own family). That said... most all the time, I am a perfectly functioning, productive human being who contributes to society and, by and large, tries to be optimistic. But there are days... and these past few weeks have been full of them.
I am sure it is a combination of things... politics (local and national), financial worries, elder care issues, missing my son and worrying about my granddaughter whom I have not seen or heard anything of at all in years... health issues... sleep deprivation... I could go on. The bottom line, is that I have to take care of myself.
To this end, I am trying to get back into the habit of some daily stretches... and daily meditation. I am also trying to take a walk every day... even if it's just around the yard with my pup.
I think many folks have some real misconceptions about depression and anxiety. It's not like I choose to have these issues. Anxiety to the point of immobility and inaction is not something we choose. It is a forced condition that leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless, and less than zero. So I continue to push myself to get up.... keep moving... keep trying.
In terms a photographer would use.. it's almost like we are in a constant MACRO setting. Too overwhelmed with the minute details to be able to grasp the bigger picture... or even to focus on any one thing. Everything is a blur that is constantly shifting... leaving us feeling un-grounded, imbalanced... weightless.... drifting.
Today... if only for a bit... I am trying to remain focused... centered... clear.
See you all tomorrow.
photo is of red clover in my yard.
Traditionally, red clover is seen as a symbol of vitality.